a smidgen

         I dont know if people will read my woven sentences, but that doesn't matter. I write for myself, mainly. For the safety of my soul. I write to remind myself of my inner being. There are moments in life when the person i think i am...all of a sudden isn't who i want to be. These are the moments, like now...when I sit and let my heart comfort my soul. My soul tells my mind it'll be ok, at which point my mind interprets and relays the message to the rest of my body, my shaking feet and racing heart- to my fingers which press the keys or scratch the letters on white paper (or blue depending on my mood).
         Writing is something that I try not to think about, I just DO. Next to writing, guitar is second on my list for my most relaxing, intrinsic activities.  Creating music is how I get the best of both worlds. If my creative juices are flowing, I can sit and let my fingers explore the strings. Which sounds go best together...which sound best fits what my heart is pounding. And at the same time, which words match? What feeling is this...most of the time my songs turn out to be about love. But for a nearly 19 year old (30?) love is a typical mind boggling phenomenon, which tends to rule our imaginative spectrum. (sometimes my own sappiness makes me want to vomit.)
        ...a little more about me...I am young. But i am old. I am tall, but sometimes i feel extremely small. I love to  give and give and give, but I am clumsy at receiving. I am a student, but first I am a daughter, sister, and friend. I love to write, but writing in full sentences is not as natural for me. I call my real writing creations "flow". This is because when I write these pieces, I do not stop in the middle, I do not retrace my steps. I find that when I write without limits, without a backward glance, I reveal to myself the boldest of truths. Maybe its a bit bland or elementary...It's just another four letter word i adore.. flow.
      The most important thing that I would like the world to know about me, is that I am many things. I cannot be characterized by a word. I cannot be branded or placed into a single group. I am unpredictable. I am an individual. It is one of the most important blessings of being a human, individuality. the life long pursuit to be the creation you desire to be. the ever changing entanglement of characteristics, morals, philosophies, ideals..the foundations of an individual.
To be undefinable, is to be me. I am, I was, I will be what i see, think, feel, do. I am every breath, every movement and every thought.